We live in terror that if we ever show our true self, even to the one who has breathed into our skin and left traces in our bloodstream, we would automatically be deemed unloveable. This quote by Marilyn Monroe is so famous- "...if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
Sure we would love to practice it for real. But, in truth we refuse to ask for what we think we deserve because we are so terrified of being left all alone. Most days you pretend you are good with it all, your brain dictates you to be more pragmatic. But, certain days when you are already feeling low, you just turn into mush and slowly dissolve into the nothingness deep inside of your hollow heart. Every bit of defensive behaviour is just a way to protect our hearts from being broken again and again. You say things to break off ties, before they can. Decades long friendships come to end, lovers leave, parents die, cousins get too busy- you stood alone to look at the moon even when they were around anyway. You never saw the same things and felt the same things about them anyway.
Tend your bruises in silence, tend them alone. No one else has a magical salve to soothe your burns. We are not faces, we are not bodies; we are just trembling fingers and toes trying to make sense of everything. We are all living inside our own heads, where we are the perpetual victims. Do we ever come out of that trance?
|of fires that burn through you|
|of deliberately unclean shoes|
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