Monday, 18 August 2014


I am having one of those rare moments of clarity. I know I am reading a good book I like when I have this urge to stop reading and immediately start writing. Writing something positive, and funny or at least a tiny bit sarcastic. I scratched the word 'good' because if 5 years spend to acquire 2 arts degrees, that are largely turning out to be useless in getting any appropriate jobs, taught me anything it's that art isn't good or bad. Any art is artist's expression of what they are thinking. How well it gets executed is whole another issue. I digress. I have had a mental block. A writer's block, if you want to call it that. Then my computer, like every other good thing in my life chose to die on me. It died so completely and with such utter finality that the computer fixer guy couldn't keep it breathing for even a few days. I am sitting in front of my sister's laptop in my old floral shorts bought for 50 bucks(that's like $1) from some roadside vendor, a huge shirt my dad got free with his Wrangler jeans and 3 day old un-watered messy bun thinking how I can own it all. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, not that I am not spending my time over thinking some thing or the other on any given day, this is special. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be. I am at an age where I have most friends settled in their jobs, some going back for further degrees, some biting the marriage stick and others spending nights blacked out after a lot of boozing. I am doing none of those things. I am still trying to figure out what I love doing and if I can pursue that as a career. Meanwhile I am trying to stay financially independent enough so that my parents don't question all my soul searching this year. Needless to say I laugh at those who say they have willpower because they stayed off shopping for a month or so. I am made of iron when it comes to budgeting nowadays. I am giving myself a year for long term clarity's sake. 
Hope you all have been doing well while I was away.


  1. Oh honey, you touched my heart with this one! Trust me, despite having a so called job, I've such days every once in a while(if not more frequently). I hate what I'm doing for a livelihood. But then, I AM thankful for the salary at the end of the month. It makes all kinds of frustration a little less scary for a day or so. Take care. And you know I love you, washed or unwashed. Mwah.

  2. I am at a weird crossroad too, so I totally get it. Here's hoping the clarity is quick and life defining in a good way.


  3. Hey Debi! That's totally understandable. Sometimes it just takes a little time. It will come you.

  4. Being a literature student, passionate about literature jobs always do not suit you. Outwards I am in the "well settled" crowd inwards I don't know what do I want and now that I am well settled I can't pursue without guilt what my soul searches. A weird Chakravyuh of sorts. Well penned.

  5. You know I have a job which pays my bills but then I crib about it every moment.. That searching and finding what I can do is still going on for me.. Good luck to you ....

  6. Most of my friends have either jobs or babies, and all I'm doing is watching anime and reading Carl Sagan, and you know what? I fucking love it! :D
    I still have no idea what I want to do jobwise, but it doesn't bother me, life has taught me to appreciate the little things.

  7. Debi...I have told u before..u r gifted. A gifted Artist. anything and everything u do has such deep resonations that u amaze me every single time.
    All i want to advise u at this point is that explore ur options and tk ur time to choose ur career path.
    This will be one of the most interesting phases of ur life. Though I secretly wish..u pursue writing as a career option..! :)


    1. I would love that. Lot's see where things take me.