I am having one of those rare moments of clarity. I know I am reading a
good book I like when I have this urge to stop reading and immediately start writing. Writing something positive, and funny or at least a tiny bit sarcastic. I scratched the word 'good' because if 5 years spend to acquire 2 arts degrees, that are largely turning out to be useless in getting any appropriate jobs, taught me anything it's that art isn't good or bad. Any art is artist's expression of what they are thinking. How well it gets executed is whole another issue. I digress. I have had a mental block. A writer's block, if you want to call it that. Then my computer, like every other good thing in my life chose to die on me. It died so completely and with such utter finality that the computer fixer guy couldn't keep it breathing for even a few days. I am sitting in front of my sister's laptop in my old floral shorts bought for 50 bucks(that's like $1) from some roadside vendor, a huge shirt my dad got free with his Wrangler jeans and 3 day old un-watered messy bun thinking how I can own it all. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, not that I am not spending my time over thinking some thing or the other on any given day, this is special. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be. I am at an age where I have most friends settled in their jobs, some going back for further degrees, some biting the marriage stick and others spending nights blacked out after a lot of boozing. I am doing none of those things. I am still trying to figure out what I love doing and if I can pursue that as a career. Meanwhile I am trying to stay financially independent enough so that my parents don't question all my soul searching this year. Needless to say I laugh at those who say they have willpower because they stayed off shopping for a month or so. I am made of iron when it comes to budgeting nowadays. I am giving myself a year for long term clarity's sake.
Hope you all have been doing well while I was away.