Whenever you feel like ranting open a Word document and just start venting. Punch in the words. It feels great and after a while you are thankful the frustration was damage controlled.I often feel like I don't fit in with the pace of this world. I do things at my own will and often get to pay heavily for it but I just never stop.
This is sort of a venting post, I am asking for some respite till I can delve back into the world of films and fashion. I just feel too crazy at the moment. But at the same time I need to blog and keep the connection live with you guys. See my insatiable need for attention and validation? Just kidding!
My fingers feel jumpy if I don't write something for too long, I feel like an idiot if I don't at least start reading some new book for too long, not to mention feeling like an utter buffoon if I have to tell someone I haven't seen so-and-so movie when they animatedly tell me how awesome it is.
Some times all I need is an answer I wasn't expecting or a cold shoulder to feel like I am having a breakdown. Do I sound psychotic? I sure do feel aggressive, impatient and not so productive. I would say I feel bipolar but then again I don't want be politically incorrect and offend those who are clinically diagnosed with bipolarity.
I accept I am not fearless but what I fear the most is being laughed at or not be taken seriously. It is hard to let go and let others see your fears and shortcomings as that makes me feel like I have failed myself. But once I decide I can't do something I just can't get over it. It's a strange kind of stubbornness.
Oh did I mention that I need a change of the spices used in my food every two weeks or so, otherwise I feel like my life is an array of utter boredom and that I should fall of the edge of a precipice just to end the jaded cycle of useless existence.
I can't deal with routines. The surest and fastest way to get rid of me is routine. People who do not change and do the same old same old drive me nuts. Put me in a place where there are useless boundaries and routines and I will go crazy in 2 days. More so I can't deal with people who do not understand this about me. I end up really hating people from time to time.
|for the love of clarity and a sane state of mind|