Saturday, 3 November 2012

Useless State Of Mind

senseless solitude

Whenever you feel like ranting open a Word document and just start venting. Punch in the words. It feels great and after a while you are thankful the frustration was damage controlled.I often feel like I don't fit in with the pace of this world. I do things at my own will and often get to pay heavily for it but I just never stop.
This is sort of a venting post, I am asking for some respite till I can delve back into the world of films and fashion. I just feel too crazy at the moment. But at the same time I need to blog and keep the connection live with you guys. See my insatiable need for attention and validation? Just kidding!
My fingers feel jumpy if I don't write something for too long, I feel like an idiot if I don't at least start reading some new book for too long, not to mention feeling like an utter buffoon if I have to tell someone I haven't seen so-and-so movie when they animatedly tell me how awesome it is.
Some times all I need is an answer I wasn't expecting or a cold shoulder to feel like I am having a breakdown. Do I sound psychotic? I sure do feel aggressive, impatient and not so productive. I would say I feel bipolar but then again I don't want be politically incorrect and offend those who are clinically diagnosed with bipolarity.
I accept I am not fearless but what I fear the most is being laughed at or not be taken seriously. It is hard to let go and let others see your fears and shortcomings as that makes me feel like I have failed myself. But once I decide I can't do something I just can't get over it. It's a strange kind of stubbornness.
Oh did I mention that I need a change of the spices used in my food every two weeks or so, otherwise I feel like my life is an array of utter boredom and that I should fall of the edge of a precipice just to end the jaded cycle of useless existence.
 I can't deal with routines. The surest and fastest way to get rid of me is routine. People who do not change and do the same old same old drive me nuts. Put me in a place where there are useless boundaries and routines and I will go crazy in 2 days. More so I can't deal with people who do not understand this about me. I end up really hating people from time to time.

for the love of clarity and a sane state of mind


  1. ranting and venting post
    i love this!

  2. You don't sound psychotic. At all.
    I do that too, writing on a word when I need to vent.
    And it is good, cathartic in fact.
    Venting posts turn out to be beautiful. Like this one.


  3. venting and releasing like is close to being vulnerable if not the exactly same thing, which is another form of bravery.
    for that, i admire this post.
    and i adore the first picture. :)

  4. Do not worry, you write and we will gladly follow. Take a trip so you get discracted and tell us your adventures!!

  5. that solitude photo is really beautiful*

  6. I think most creative, intelligent and insatiable people never feel at home anywhere. There's always something else to experience, something new to discover. I have a hard time talking to satisfied people. I feel it borders on being happy with mediocrity. Oh yes, I get accused of being snobbish and opinionated, just because I want to see beyond the obvious or am in search of something mind blowing. I had a discussion with some neighbors sometime ago. Most people never move out of their towns or change jobs. When my husband and I tell them we like to move cities, even countries, every so often, people think we're insane. They say, just travel. Well, the experience is completely different. Being a local, living the life is so different from being a tourist! And I tell people, I don't want to be a tourist in my life, just peering into how others live. I want to experience it! Anyhow, just know that you are not alone in being demanding when it comes to what you want out of your own life. Let others be boring - it's their choice. You have yours. -- J xxx

    1. honestly sometimes i feel like these so called satisfied people are just faking it to make you feel works some times..
      and the other day only i was talking with a friend about how people assume i am a snob and judgemental without really bothering to know me.
      i just wish we all could meet up and go about experiencing new things with gusto!

  7. I totally agree with you !!Although in my case, its usually my blog's word editor :p and i mostly publish it, and it feels awesum!! :D Everyone goes thru phases and I expect people to understand :P Work it :D :)
    Keep Smiling Sweetz
    The Sweet Life

  8. never seen such a great venting post ! U are not psychotic, there would be a lot of factors around us to demotivate us from doing things we want, just stay focused and ignore the unwanted !

  9. Very nicely written and excellent photograph too !

  10. You changed the spices in your food/cooking to break that pattern of boredom...I can identify with you totally ! I keep drifting you...I guess, Its a personality trait. people who get bored often and want to change the routine are generally very high on creativity. Try making them disciplined and punctual and see how their creativity vanishes ! So, its a gift my girl ! The downs are necessary for the ups..I feel.
    {I am very busy too, so I am also not being able to give you feedback, but will try to be more regular..}

  11. What a fabulous post, my dear friend.

  12. you write so well i love reading your posts dear!